I've always felt uneasy about leaving one part in my life. Six months ago, when I heard the bell that released me from my final high school classes, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of sickness about the fact that I was leaving something that had been a major part of my life for the previous three and a half years. Nine months ago today, September 28th, I started working at the animal hospital. I was so excited about working there. At Fry's, I didn't know half of the names of the people I worked with, even the people who had my exact same job. I usually kept my mouth shut and just focused on the time, as there was always a clock in front of me, and figuring out how to get through the day doing as little work as possible, since my days at Fry's usually left me with burns all over my hands from carts, and my legs rubbed sore to the point that it was extremely painful to walk at all. I hated the clients that came in, and I hated my managers anymore, so naturally when I switched over to the animal hospital, a small facility with only about 20 workers total, less than ten of which working each day, and everyone there having at least SOME type of intellect (I tried memorizing some of the conditions and medications that ALL the techs pretty much know, and I know you guys call me smart, but there was no way I was going to memorize all that without taking some type of class). While it was a hard transition from attempting to do as little work as possible at Fry's, to doing as MUCH work as possible at the hospital, I learned a lot and I'm confident in pointing out that I have become a much better worker. Everyone had a strong personality, including myself, so naturally there was plenty of drama, but I always managed to have a great time, and I laughed a lot as well as learned a lot.

Two days ago, Friday, was my last day there, and I couldn't help but feel a little bad about leaving. I'll miss a lot of people there, and while I still have them added to Facebook, it's not the same as getting to hang out with them every day. Undoubtedly, I had a great time, but I'm excited to move on and see what else life as for me. While I may freak myself out by overthinking things like, "How will I be able to pay for school?" I know everything will work out and I'll be fine. I'm unemployed now, so I'll need to get some on-campus jobs, but I'm glad to finally be packing up and leaving El Mirage, the small town I've lived in for the past 5 years, and for the first time, moving out of my mom's house, and moving on with my life! I'm looking forward to making new friends, getting my BA and hopefully some good jobs, and most importantly, having Zach to be the one thing in my life to stay the same. In fact, moving to college will mean moving closer to him, since he's just a short bus ride away from the campus. I know I'll get this uneasy feeling when I graduate from college, too, which I know I'll do since I wouldn't allow myself to drop out no matter how hard classes get.

Wish me luck!

There seems to always be the same few misconceptions, or rather, biased beliefs about communism.

The first one I notice is about it basically being a lazy way of making the government take care of us... But in a true communist society, the government is nothing more than the voice of the people in physical form, and when we established the United States government, that was its intended purpose. The government today has become completely different in that it's no longer the voice of the people, but instead a group of select individuals running the country the way they feel is right, ignoring the opinion of the the citizens that put them in office. While Obama as a democrat is an exception to this, much unlike Bush, and actually cares for the opinions of the people, he could just as easily change his mind and ignore the people so should he choose with the way we have our government set up. So back to my original point, in a true communist society, the sort of government we have running our lives wouldn't exist and the government that would exist would be merely a body of the voice of the people. If the American government took all of our wages and returned them to us equally, one could argue that the American government is taking care of us because that would be the government's decision as if the government is going out of its way to do so, but in a communist-run country, the equal distribution of wealth would be the decision of the people, so essentially with the communist government doing this it would merely be the country taking care of itself rather than the government taking care of the country. "But what about Cuba?" someone might (and will) ask. "What about the Soviet Union? Were they not communist countries that ignored the voice of its people?" Well... No. They weren't. Not as communism was intended to be established. While Cuba and the Soviet Union did unarguably greatly benefit the workplace, the health care, and the education of its people (and in many ways Cubans are much, much better off than the post-communist Russians), three things which are a part of what communism does stand for, they ignore the bigger picture by establishing a dictatorship. Communism to Castro and Stalin is no more than a pretty term to mislead the working class which made up the majority of their countries into gradually allowing them into authoritarian rule. That, of course, is like calling a pile of dog shit "tulips." It's still dog shit, and on certain days it may even have a slightly flowery smell to it, but it still by no means is it really a bunch of tulips, in the same way that a dictatorship still isn't really communism, despite the fact that it might incorporate certain communist beliefs here and there, like the abolishment of social classes. This very thing is the reason why the CPUSA (Communist Party of the United States of America) does not agree with the practices of the Soviet Union or Cuba, and firmly believe in the idea of fostering rather than imposing the beliefs of communism onto people, for forced communism is flawed and weak and nothing in comparison to the citizens truly believing together in communism and running a country based on that, the way it was originally meant to be, and the way it actually is in a few communist-run countries today.

I hope that made sense rather than seeming like a giant jumble of words. I tend to rant on.

The other misconception I hear a lot concerns health care in a communist society. "I don't want my doctors being paid the same as everyone else!" That's based on the flawed belief that the amount of money someone makes is equal to the amount of passion that person has for the career itself. Do heads of insurance companies who make millions of dollars in Corporate America get that much money because of how much passion for the citizens they have? No. Absolutely not. In fact, they get paid more for denying a person health care, which ultimately defeats the purpose of having health insurance in the first place. Do emergency rooms charge hundreds of dollars just for simply walking in, without even yet calculating in the price of the health care itself, to stand as a symbol of the quality of the health care they give and the passion they have for their jobs? No. It's merely to scam people out of their money for the sake of profit, as in a capitalist society without socialist influence, the hospital is merely another company trying to make as much money as possible, and it works. People in a communist society when receiving the same wages as everyone else would still have to go through school and prove their knowledge in the field, but they would do so because they have a desire to help people and a passion for the field of health care, not because they see it as a good way of making money. Who pays for the health care? The people as a whole, not as an individual, of course. And if you really think about it the actual cost for running a hospital that gives good quality health care isn't that bad, and what more can one ask for than a hospital which is there for the sole purpose of improving your health rather than improving the size of their wallets? I'd much rather put my life in the hands of a doctor who wasn't busy thinking of ways to take my money, and I'll firmly believe that until the day I die, which is why whenever I get a chance I am moving to Canada.

I know some of you who have me added to myspace are dying to know about the new guy.

His name is Zach. He lives in Tempe and has blonde hair and blue eyes. He has a tattoo of a coy fish and has a deep voice. We met online, but I've spent every night for the past week at his house, and yes, we are dating.

No, Cody, he doesn't use MySpace or Facebook, so good luck trying to find him to message him to tell him how you're not psycho and how I'm a bad person lol.

Anyways...

I spent the night at Zach's house last night :)
I got there pretty late because I worked for 10 hours that day. Made a sandwich because I hadn't eaten yet, and then we watched Wild Boyz for a bit and fell asleep. We didn't sleep for too long, so at 6:30 we said fuck it and decided to wake up...We jumped in the shower and got all squeaky clean and then got in my car and drove to the Waffle House nearby. I couldn't eat most of the breakfast stuff since I'm allergic to eggs so I got a cheeseburger for breakfast, woot. He got chocolate chip waffles. We ate, then left and went back to his apartment and watched more Wild Boyz until like 10 when we got back into my car and drove to the light rail station, which we took into downtown Phoenix, where we walked around, saw ASU's downtown campus, and explored the Arizona Center and got some coffee. We thought about seeing a movie, but we just went back to his place and watched Repo: The Genetic Opera on his computer... Which was an awesome movie. We did a few other things, and then we went and got Panda Express before I left and went back home.

And that was my eventful day!

Woot. :)

I know it seemed like everything was going great, but it wasn't really and I stopped it before it became a big deal, before I could get emotionally attached. Here's the message I sent him (can't call him or tell him in person because his aunt wouldn't let me over and he doesn't have a phone):

--

Leo, I think we should go back to being friends. I think we jumped into the relationship too fast before we even knew a single thing about each other, and when I was over at your house on Thursday, the first time I had seen you in half a week, it felt more like I was hanging out with just another friend rather than spending time with my boyfriend, and I think that had I not even brought up the subject you wouldn't have wanted me to come over in the first place. The way it is now, I could only see you on weekends, and as you told me, you're probably going to be moving to Mexico after this school year is over since you don't want to stay with a friend or anything here, and even if you did stay you still have a year of high school left while i'll be busy with college a long ass ways away. Besides, I don't think your friends like me even if they pretend to. I just really need to focus on school right now because that is what's most important to me, but I hope we can still be friends and that you won't hate me, and I hope you'll read this again when you aren't high so that you can actually have a clear mind.

The one date we went on was fun, but I just can't do this. I'm sorry.

I got home this morning and signed onto AIM to talk to Leo after a long day at work, and the first thing he said to me was "My aunt is sending me back to Mexico."

He doesn't know why, and he might be leaving tomorrow unless he can change his aunt's mind.

Don't worry about me. It certainly wouldn't be the first time someone I've really cared about has been sent back to Mexico, by their family's choice or the government's choice... I just really, really hope Leo will be alright, and maybe, hopefully, he can change his aunt's mind.